Morning Page – OCT 31, 2018

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I’m gonna talk about The Artist’s Muse, because mine is wild and hard to hold onto, but I finally found that darn elusive beast.

I’ve had to go back to how it felt to be a kid before I forgot and that’s kinda what these past few months have been about for me. I want to rekindle the wonder I had for the world that I had as a child, and through meticulous self-care I can feel confident in saying I am well on my way.

Instead of feeling bad or embarassed about the way I am, or what I like to do, I’ve been just embracing myself to the fullest. I have a lot of free time as a freelancer who lives alone, so I decided why not start that thing I started when I was 18 before life was like “WAIT, COME HERE, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU” and me, like a rambunctious, invincible 18 year old went running over to see what life had to offer, good and bad. I’ve tasted life so sweet, the nectar of the Earth, before I lost sight of Mother and fell into all the dark places she told me not to go without her. I was weaned, perhaps, by my own curiosity, ultimately straying from her without any formal farewell, and being thrust into the foreboding dark after having tasted the fruit of light.

I needed that. I needed all those bad things to happen, whether they were my own choice or the strings of the grande alchemist, I needed to see and feel the suffering the world had to offer. I was not ready for the light or the nectar, or, perhaps, She thought I was taking it for granted. She was right. I was just a kid after all, and I felt I could do anything, without giving thanks for the power I was given by the divine. I didn’t understand. Not fully, anyways.

Well, I’m going back to the forest. The human life was not for me. There was too much sadness, jealousy, anger, lust/lack of love. Everyone seems to be a pawn in some way for everyone else’s game. The hierarchy life isn’t for me. I’m shedding my human garments and becoming wild again.

There, I will find my muse. And like gay little fairies we are going to dance and sing with the birds in the morning meadow until time takes us. Fight me.

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